Educational Decrees for the Proper Ordering of the World Wide Web. April 1, 2026

Blog / April 1, 2026

Notice from the Office of the High Inquisitor for Children’s Wellbeing (World Wide Web Division).

Issued by Order of the Ministry of Magic for April 1st, 2026.

(Muggles who are interested in action, may want to start at the end. However, the Ministry would much rather you all do nothing.)

he Ministry is pleased to announce that, in order to ensure the proper protection of children in the digital environment, a number of helpful new powers have been added to the already admirable framework established by the Online Safety Act 2023. Because we are magical, we know exactly what you are all going to say before you say it, and have written these things into decree even before the end of either the great listening exercise on the world wide web or national muggle identity part 4.1. In case of any doubt as to the efficacy of our recommended solutions about which these decrees are now being written in advance, they will be both chosen and regulated by The Office for the Commercialisation of Magic (“OFCOM”).

By decree; the Minister will be empowered—by regulation, and from time to time as we see fit, or indeed anyone else who manages to run the Ministry whether they work for He-Who-Cannot-Be-Named or indeed any other future Ministries—to specify which online services children may access, how long they may remain upon them, what features they may use, and what age they must be to consent to the processing of their personal data. Where necessary, existing legislation may also be amended to ensure these arrangements function perfectly smoothly. They will never not work, and be perfectly enforceable even when originating in another realm over which The Office for the Commercialisation of Magic has no jurisdiction. No one may be permitted to question that.

The Ministry understands that a few unhelpful commentators have suggested these powers are too great for us, and mutterings about “destruction of the rule of law” and “magical thinking” in relation to such proposals—particularly the charming idea that Muggles might circumvent restrictions by using VPNs or other time turner contraptions. The Ministry is confident that properly drafted regulations, accompanied by robust standards, specifications and technical requirements published from time to time, will ensure that such difficulties simply do not arise. We applaud magical thinking, and will indeed carry on. There can be no such thing as taking too much executive power. We are the executive, and we will take all the power that we want. And we expect your Lords to approve that. As we will the powers into being by making the law, we make these new things lawful. It’s magic after all. “Ta da!”

Providers of world wide web services are therefore invited to consult the following Educational Decrees, which clarify the Ministry’s expectations. They are issued for the wellbeing of children and should be read with the seriousness they deserve. However, we have not yet foreseen all the coming things that we will need to protect you from and ban next. Further decrees and more bans may, inevitably therefore, be issued ad hoc.

Educational Decree No. 37

All regulated user-to-user services shall implement “highly effective age assurance measures” to prevent children under sixteen from becoming or remaining users. We do not specify what these are but trust that the Office for the Commercialisation of Magic (OFCOM) can decide for us all . We are ignoring that the one company we always go to as the “safe” bet, has just been ruled as having unlawful data practices not compliant with the muggle land laws of Spain and European Union.

The Ministry reminds providers that this advice exists for the promotion of children’s wellbeing and must therefore be taken extremely seriously, whether or not the Ministry later chooses to regulate this magic into reality or not. If our current Minister does not, we will just take the powers and leave them here pinned to this wall anyway, just in case any other future Minister wants to use the unconstrained powers as they choose.

Educational Decree No. 38

For the further promotion of children’s wellbeing, the Secretary of State may, by regulations, require all regulated user-to-user services to ensure that children below a specified age are prevented from accessing such services. These regulations shall be enforceable requirements under the Online Safety Act 2023, and failure to comply may be punished accordingly. Again to be made by statutory instrument and approved by resolution of both Houses. Members are reminded that this means they may only vote “yes” or “no”, which the Ministry considers more than sufficient opportunity for scrutiny. It will speed things up enormously to avoid debate.

Educational Decree No. 38A

The Secretary of State may by regulation require providers of specified internet services to prevent or restrict access by children to those services or to particular features or functionalities within them. We will not specify what these are so that we can make it up later when you have all gone to bed.

For the avoidance of doubt, “internet services” might mean any service made available by means of the world wide web, including those not previously imagined and invisible. Anything at all. Such regulations may include provisions requiring providers to limit:

the amount of time any child anywhere in the world in any realm may spend on your service each day, or
the times of day at which children may access the service. We may ban them entirely from services for certain time periods like Cinderella, except she was a fictional fairy tale. This is real life. And we shall ignore the facts that they own perfectly simple tools like Time Turners because we have said they too will be banned. And if that does not work we, the British Ministry of Magical Thinking will encase an Hour-Reversal Charm in the time turners we promote ourselves and we might choose to mandate, for additional stability, and critics of those shall be identified as children haters, and be sent to Azkaban along with those we similarly wrongly accuse of fraud and other crimes.

Providers shall comply with such standards, arrangements, specifications and technical requirements as may be published from time to time. The Ministry appreciates the diligence required to keep up. We do not care, providers must do more magical thinking, and faster.

Educational Decree No. 38B

The Minister for Magic may, by regulation, amend the age at which a child may consent to the processing of their personal data in relation to information society services between 13 and 16. Such age may be altered from time to time, and different ages may be specified for particular services or descriptions of service where the Ministry considers this appropriate.

The Secretary of State may also make regulations concerning the verification of age where any person claims to have given such consent, including verification that the data subject has reached the age specified in Article 8(1), or—where a service has been assigned a different applicable age—that the data subject has reached the age specified for that service. We are ignoring that consent based services cannot be mandated neither for children nor for adults as all Muggles must simply accept the obligation to identify themselves on demand on the world wide web. We are the Ministry of Magic after all.

Such regulations may include provisions imposing requirements on persons specified in the regulations; provisions concerning the steps to be taken in order to comply with those requirements; provisions relating to the monitoring of compliance; and provisions relating to the enforcement of those requirements. We are yet to decide what any of those might be or tell you until after you voted yes.

Regulations may further make provision amending, repealing, revoking or applying—with or without modifications—any provision of data protection legislation (3(9)); create exceptions to requirements imposed by the regulations; determine the time by which or period within which actions must be taken; specify technical standards, arrangements, specifications or requirements published from time to time; and confer functions on persons, including functions involving the exercise of discretion.

We are ignoring the past in which you all debated the details of such laws already, in the Information Act (The Data Use and Access Act) in enormous detail for endless hours. All is irrelevant. The Minister for Magic will now decide for you! You will not know what bit of the law we might change until after we decide what it is. Vote yes now please. You are magic after all, and you can predict the future just like us. Trust us. It does not matter which House the future government will come from. Please note that lessons in parseltongue will soon be made obligatory after the curriculum review and the next Election.

Educational Decree No. 38C

For the efficient operation of the above decrees, regulations made by the Secretary of State may:

apply provisions of the Online Safety Act with or without modification;
make exceptions where appropriate of our choosing;
impose procedural requirements;
confer functions on persons of the Ministry’s choosing; and
make consequential amendments to primary legislation where necessary.

The Ministry trusts that this flexibility will allow the regime to evolve rapidly as new concerns arise all of which the Ministry can make up on demand, as there’s no limits on our powers at all here. We are, after all, the Ministry.

Educational Decree No. 38D

The title of the legislation shall be amended to reflect the Ministry’s expanded responsibilities for:

preventing or restricting children’s access to certain internet services; and
determining the age of consent for processing children’s personal data in relation to information society services.

This clarification is intended to help the public understand the breadth of the Ministry’s duties.

Supplementary Notice from the Ministry

The Ministry reminds providers that these decrees sit alongside the existing obligations under the Online Safety Act 2023, with further measures under consideration regarding AI-generated content and chatbot services.Where necessary, the Secretary of State may amend the Online Safety Act itself through further regulations to minimise risks of harm from AI-generated content or the use of AI services to facilitate illegal activity. Such regulations may amend, repeal, or apply provisions of the Act as required. The Ministry emphasises that these powers are purely enabling. No action is required unless the Ministry decides otherwise. Which we might. Or we might not. And if we do, representatives can say only yes or no, without change or debate.

Final Notice

The Ministry is grateful for the cooperation of all internet services in maintaining a safe and orderly digital environment for muggle children. For our own however, we will provide them with additional wands and the best brooms with excursions and streaming services and all sorts of other magical paraphernalia to keep them otherwise occupied, that the muggles cannot afford. Providers are encouraged to remain attentive to future regulations, standards, specifications and technical requirements which may be issued from time to time and change at a moment’s notice. Failure to keep pace with these developments will be regarded as unacceptable and you will expect to be publicly shamed in the screaming court of the Daily Prophet.

(Additional Educational Decrees may be issued without notice.)

Muggles may now wish to take action. These recent changes have overwhelmed the rest of what should be being discussed and improved in the Bill. Sweeping powers do not only apply to the online services, but to the new powers for databases without any safeguards for children not in state education.

Defend Digital Me asked for at least something on those to be put in place, through a record of uses at any level, just like the DfE national register of external third party reuse of state pupil data. You can write to your MP and ask for (a) that these changes above to data protection law are not made and (b) that now, even if the transparency record of data reuses in the Bill on HomeEd children is not established in the law (its late for any such new amendments), transparency should be made obligatory practice.

Write to MPs by April 15th — See pages 13-14 of our Bill briefing and ask for that register to be put in place as a Duty to maintain a transparency register of the use and access of information shared. And ask them to vote against these proposed clauses.